I know why I threw up, the Saints are in the Super Bowl.

Ahhh...isn't that sweet...the Saints are heading to the Super Bowl....

Let's wipe away the cyber tears and slow down, not stop or get off...just slow down, the Saints bandwagon for a few minutes. Let's reign in them horses....

If I lost a drop of blood for every time I heard someone say, "Well, the city of New Orleans deserves it," or anything close to it, I would be a typing raisin.

New Orleans deserves it?
Why?
Because of Katrina? If it is for another reason, like...I don't know...they were a hell of a team this year or won the NFC Championship game, then maybe I would agree. But no...that isn't the reason offered...it so often has to do with Katrina.

How does Katrina have anything at all to do with football? Did the Saints save thousands of lives with floating islands made of footballs? Did the team drop everything and swim off to help the poor folks make it out? Did some fat-ass lineman empty his fridge and have the contents air-dropped for the people without food?

If N.O. deserves to go to Super Bowl because of Katrina...don't the NY teams deserve something for 9-11? What did Seattle deserve for Mt St. Helen's? What about the Indonesian soccer team...shouldn't they deserve to win the World Cup for next thousand years or so? What about Haiti? What do they get? Should they be in the Pan-American World Series for the next decade, at least?
What about SLC? We have loads and loads of mormons. What do the rest of us get for having to deal with that?!
Oklahoma City has pretty bad ice storms...should the Thunder be in the Conference Finals for a couple of years or just a good showing in the playoffs? Did the Lakers win the NBA Championship last year because of all the wildfires?

But, if that's how it works...then the reverse should apply...
If a team wins titles and nothing bad has happened to the city, we can say with a straight face, "Well, the 49'ers won all those titles. They deserved that quake."

You see how silly this can get?

How about we leave football, the game, as football...the game. Let's not make it into some sort of reward system for a natural disaster.


With that said...Colts 34-Saints 20

The tears in my father's eyes...

Eight hours after we had gotten the horrible news...

My father was looking at a picture of his family. It had him, his two brothers, two sisters, and both his parents...over half of them gone. If a similar photo were to be taken today...there would be more empty space than people filling it.
He didn't notice I was watching him.

He didn't see my tear edging out, mirroring the one which had just fallen from him.
He didn't know that his private moment of pain was something I will remember for the rest of my life.
I have no idea what he was thinking and it seemed almost obscene to even ask or interfere with his thoughts. He was opening some oh-so private mental scrap book and flipping through its pages. He was reliving things which, even with his gift for story-telling, would only be stories to me and my brothers...to him, they were life.


My uncle Tim's death came as suddenly as anything can. Days after the passing of my grandmother, but before her funeral...he died.
Two funerals had to be planned in different states.

I could see a pain, an ache, in my father I had never seen before. It was a hurt so brutish, a lifetime of tears would only scratch the surface. It made me wonder how the last surviving person of a family line must feel...how alone. Tim Newberry was like an older brother to me, but he really was a brother to my father...I cannot begin to comprehend the true sorrow.

As the days go by, things will get easier for my dad. Time can do many things, but contrary to what most people say, it does not heal pain. If someone loses an arm, after years of work, they can manage to do most tasks effectively enough...but, they are still missing an arm. It is the same with death.
It may take months or years, but people learn to live. However, the loved-one is gone. There is no coming back, no prosthetic, which will replace the lost person...they are nothing more than a collection of images stored in a mental scrap book.

In his dueling hours of grief, my brothers and I stood at the side of our father and greeted it as an honor.

It is my hope...no...it is my prayer, that we did some good.

He is flying home, even as I write. I pray he can recover from this. I pray he will be able to relax and get some rest. I pray he can find some reason to smile, laugh. I pray...there will be no more tears in my father's eyes.

A few tips for anyone held hostage by a man in a wheelchair...

I don't which is stranger...the fact a man in a wheelchair thought he could and should take people hostage, or the reality that he actually did it.

How is this possible?

So, as a form of public service, I am going to offer some tips on how to avoid being kidnapped by a wheelchair confined assailant.

1) Tip him over.
Unless the chair is made of lead or has a granite seat, it shouldn't be too hard to give the dude a quick shove.
Timmmmber!!! Problem solved.
What is he going to do? Ask for help getting back in the thing? No, he will just worm around on the ground until the cops arrive.

2)Run behind him.
If the guy is half owl and can spin all the way around from the waste up, this may not work. However, outside of the Weekly World News I have not seen many Owl-Men around for awhile.
Just like you would with the scruff of a cat, grab the little handles on the back of his chair and wheel his happy ass to the police station, give him a "time out" by parking him in a corner, or just roll him out into the street.
Again, problem solved.

3)Walk behind a counter and out the back door...then lock him in.
You don't even have to run to do this one. While I understand most everywhere in the country is now wheelchair accessible, wheelchairs are not known for being exceptionally maneuverable around tight corners. On top of that, he can't very well hold a gun on you and wheel you down at the same time.

4)Trot up a flight of stairs.
What is he going to do? Use the elevator to catch you? Send his partner in crime, sporting a walker, to come after you?

5)Throw a broom or stick into one of the spokes of his chair.
He'll spin himself to death or tip over trying to remove it...either way, the situation is resolved.

6)Batter him with objects.
This guy was in a Post Office. At this time of year, you know the place is filled with packages of 10 pound fruit cakes and baseballs on their way to little Timmy.
The guy is in a wheelchair...it's not like he can duck out of the way. We all played Dodge-Ball in school...ever remember seeing any all-star D-Ball players in wheelchairs? No? Why do you think that is?...because they are in wheelchairs!!!
You could even use the whole GW method...throw a shoe at the guy.





This reminds me of when I lived in FL and worked at a 7-11. There was some guy going around robbing stores using..........a screwdriver. Know how he was stopped? One night, when he pulled his utensil, the cashier laughed...and slapped him. The robber ran out of the store and was never heard from again.


This has been a public service announcement by http://www.rantingsfromutah.blogspot.com/ , the Coalition for Stopping Wheelchair Criminals, and John Newberry.

Let's have a smoke...

My friend Adam and I were going back and forth a little about the 8th Deadly Sin...Smoking.


It got me thinking about an encounter I had with a woman when Casey and I lived in Ogden. At the time, I didn't own a car. I was relegated to riding the bus to get from place to place...which is always fun. Nothing like those yummy Bus People* to brighten your day.
So, here I was, just standing at the bus stop and minding my own business...like the good boy I am. I was having a peaceful smoke and planning out my day.
Out of nowhere I heard dragging footsteps. I spied the source and recognized it was a bitter and mean hag of a woman I'd seen before. She was a bus regular...a.k.a. a bus person...and a quite rude one at that. After a few seconds she started fake coughing. You know the kind of sound I am talking about...that sooooooo annoying guff people make when they "quietly" try to say your smoke is bothering them...
When I turned to her, I saw she had pulled the top of her collar over her nose and mouth....I suppose I had forgotten I was smoking sticks of tear gas and not cigarettes.
I looked away, 20% aggravated by the "subtle" hints my smoke was bothering her, 80% gleeful it REALLY was. It took her a few minutes, but when I lit up another cigarette (I only did this for the extra "pissing off" value of it), she said, "Sir, you could not smoke that here?"
Her tone was not as nice as the question seems.
I ignored Cruella and took a huge drag. I let the exhale create a small layer of smog around me...she was not pleased.
"Sir!"
I faced her, with the cigarette hanging from my mouth.
"Can you move over there and smoke that?" Her gnarled hand was pointing to some obscure patch of grass.
I smiled and nodded my head. Indeed, that was possible.
I said, "Yes, I can," then took another drag as I looked at her. "I can, but I won't."
Hahaha...how ya like them apples? I topped it off with a quick little wink.
The expression on her face was priceless. If I had snapped her bra, I don't think she would have been more shocked.
I finished my cigarette just as bus arrived and, like the gentleman I am, let her board first.

I think more smokers need to stand up for themselves like this...be proud of our addiction. In Utah, and many other states, you can no longer smoke in restaurants, bars and smoke shops...what?! You can't smoke in a place dedicated to smokers?! Isn't that like saying it's illegal to eat your burger until you get outside of Burger King? What am I missing?
Everyone needs to relax a little. Calm down, it's not as though this is a new invention. Man has been smoking since the dawn of time.
I will pay my $3.00 in taxes, per pack, and smile as I do so...but can you cut us smokers some slack?
Why can't we all just get along?


*Bus People are the folks who pretty much live on the bus. They think that everyone on the bus is their nemesis or a buddy interested in how their day is going or where they are going. They also tend to smell VERY bad.

I tried as best I could...go ahead, Beth, say you told me so.

I have had an ugly day, and it is only noonish.
As some know, I have been going to help out at the Soup Kitchen in downtown SLC. It has been, in many ways, quite rewarding.
BUT TODAY...was different...oh, the rewards I was given!!!
First, there were rotating shifts of mini mormons running through the kitchen. That alone is enough to drive anyone mad or start banging their head with a pot, but each group had two or three cameras with them to snap shots or take videos...I'm guessing it's in case some Joseph Smith loyalty group comes along and doubts their mormanness. This way, they would have proof of their kindness and a sure ticket to one of their 300 heavens...even if they weren't wearing the holy mormon underwear ( they really have that, you know).
Okay, that was bad, but when they started singing Frosty the Snowman...(sigh)...shall we say I was, uh, bothered by that?
Next, while I was cooking, I had my sweatshirt stolen. If someone had said, "Hey, it sure is cold today. Can I have that?" I would have given it away in a second...no doubt about it. I have several others and wouldn't miss it.... But, noooooooo, they figured they would head on down to John's Thrift Store, use their Homeless Person Discount, and take what they wanted. It's not like it was 20 degrees outside or anything...as much as I enjoy being cold and shivering like a dying fish, I wasn't into it so much, today.
Before I knew my sweatshirt was gone, though, I stepped outside to have a smoke. While I was there, I looked up and saw a guy sitting on the hood of my car...scratching his crotch. He was just digging way down deep as if it was the most natural thing in the world...like I had parked it there for the sole purpose of letting his dirty ass rest on it.
I told him to get off it...and he did...giving me quite the look. Clearly, I was putting him out.
You know, if I wanted a homeless hood ornament, I would have plowed through the crowd of them on my way in...I would have shouted, "Hey, Itchy! You want a spot on here?"
Silly me for thinking the hood of my car was...a hood...and not Rip Van Winkle's ass cushion.!!!
Then, as I go to leave (by this time I knew my sweatshirt was gone) there is some other guy peeking in the windows of my car.
I started wondering if this happens all day long while I am cooking. Do they peer into the glass like a pervert at a boobie show? Was someone trapped inside and needed help? Did I kill a mormon and throw them in the back seat? What was he looking at?!
So, I asked the guy, "Is there something of yours in there, Buddy?"
Ummm...he pulled out a steak knife and said he was going to kill me...
You know how they say, one bad apple can spoil the whole bunch? Well, I came across nothing but spoiled, smelly, and itchy mormon apples, today.
Now I remember why I don't like people, in general, and want to become a hermit.

The GOP must LOVE Kanye West...

We all remember the emotional mugging of Taylor Swift.
The doll-girl, pure as driven snow and wholesome young princess, accosted by the vile R&B thug named Kanye...and the whole world just watched it happen...the poor, poor dear...would she live? It was pop music's version of a purse-snatching.
Okay, I went a little overboard, but the point of what he did stays the same...he wanted to strip Taylor of recognition, of award. Why do I bring this up?
The GOP is doing the same thing with President Obama.
Somehow, getting the Nobel Peace Prize is a horrible thing. It is a falsity to be gifted only in insult. Rush Limbaugh (the mouthpiece for the GOP), his mindless parrot (Sean Hannity), and Glenn Beck (the crying lunatic) are to the President, what Kanye was to Taylor.
They just want to be mean. They want to cheapen and lessen acknowledgement. Rush said on Friday, "Our President is a joke."
No, Rush, the GOP is the joke.
They are playing some political game of Jenga, removing (instead of wooden blocks) huge sections of decency and credibility. They are after the man and not the what the man stands for...EXACTLY what they decried about Bush's critics.
Like Kanye with President Bush, they say Obama is a racist.
They think, again like Kanye, that a woman (Rep. Pelosi) needs to be put in her place by a man (Gen. McChrystal).
In the eyes of Kanye, the horrors of 9-11 and of Katrina were plots and evil schemes known to President Bush...if not set into motion personally. The GOP sees non-existent layers of Fascist strata, set out with great plan...treachery.
Kanye took the spotlight away from Taylor because he was the one yelling the loudest...making the most noise. Is that not what the GOP is doing? Making noise? Is Michelle Bachmann not doing such when she reads fake letters? Isn't she, with the use of distorted absurdities about "sex clinics" and parental deception, shouting from the stage...or rather, floor of the Senate?
Come on now...at some point people have to understand what is happening.
Even in Jenga, the most novice of players begins to understand there is less and less holding their tower...that at some point it is going to fall.
So, GOP'ers, cheer that we didn't get the Olympics, rage over the fact OUR President was awarded the Peace Prize, and pat yourselves on the back for being so righteous...because...there is, without question, less and less holding up the GOP tower.

Maybe we should "Cut and Run."

I am at loss.
The war in Afghanistan is starting to seem pointless.
How does that song go? "One, two, three...what are we fighting for? Don't ask me, I don't give a damn. Next stop is Vietnam..."
Don't get me wrong at all here. September 11th required an answer. It demanded a response which would be felt around the world. The Earth needed to shake at our wrath...without a doubt. If ever there was a just reason for a military strike, it was then.

But...

Haven't we done that? Hasn't enough blood been shed...on both sides?
Are we fighting a war to kill one man...Bin Laden?
From all the reports we see, he isn't in Afghanistan...he's in Pakistan...if he is even alive still.


Here is my fear.

We are now creating generations of children who will have no other goal but to kill Americans. Young people are growing up to know nothing about the US other than we are a country killing their friends and family. Soon, no child will have known any other state of their world than war. Imagine that...your life is nothing but a continuous stream of death...from parents, to uncles, to brothers...They have no perspective of what happened in 2001. It's not as if the Taliban is going to make sure both sides of story are presented.



Think about this for a second...
What if America did some horrible thing...something awful...and we were invaded.
Would we stand back and say, "Yep, we deserve that. Kill whoever you think you need to. We will even hand them over to you."
No, of course not...every man, woman, and child would be doing everything they could to fight back. We would stand up to whatever force it was. We would forget any evil we did and unite to defend our homeland...our homes...our families.
Is that what is happening now in Afghanistan? Are there people who WERE friendly to us, but are now sick of all the fighting...so they join their countrymen? Could that be a reason why things don't seem to be going so swimmingly at the moment?
From before the Romans until now, man has had one thing in common...we are a social creature. We have evolved to be one because it is better for the survival of the species for us to group together...so when a social group/country is being torn apart...what is the natural and human reaction?
...to fight to the death to keep it.
This story will not end well.