A few tips for anyone held hostage by a man in a wheelchair...

I don't which is stranger...the fact a man in a wheelchair thought he could and should take people hostage, or the reality that he actually did it.

How is this possible?

So, as a form of public service, I am going to offer some tips on how to avoid being kidnapped by a wheelchair confined assailant.

1) Tip him over.
Unless the chair is made of lead or has a granite seat, it shouldn't be too hard to give the dude a quick shove.
Timmmmber!!! Problem solved.
What is he going to do? Ask for help getting back in the thing? No, he will just worm around on the ground until the cops arrive.

2)Run behind him.
If the guy is half owl and can spin all the way around from the waste up, this may not work. However, outside of the Weekly World News I have not seen many Owl-Men around for awhile.
Just like you would with the scruff of a cat, grab the little handles on the back of his chair and wheel his happy ass to the police station, give him a "time out" by parking him in a corner, or just roll him out into the street.
Again, problem solved.

3)Walk behind a counter and out the back door...then lock him in.
You don't even have to run to do this one. While I understand most everywhere in the country is now wheelchair accessible, wheelchairs are not known for being exceptionally maneuverable around tight corners. On top of that, he can't very well hold a gun on you and wheel you down at the same time.

4)Trot up a flight of stairs.
What is he going to do? Use the elevator to catch you? Send his partner in crime, sporting a walker, to come after you?

5)Throw a broom or stick into one of the spokes of his chair.
He'll spin himself to death or tip over trying to remove it...either way, the situation is resolved.

6)Batter him with objects.
This guy was in a Post Office. At this time of year, you know the place is filled with packages of 10 pound fruit cakes and baseballs on their way to little Timmy.
The guy is in a wheelchair...it's not like he can duck out of the way. We all played Dodge-Ball in school...ever remember seeing any all-star D-Ball players in wheelchairs? No? Why do you think that is?...because they are in wheelchairs!!!
You could even use the whole GW method...throw a shoe at the guy.





This reminds me of when I lived in FL and worked at a 7-11. There was some guy going around robbing stores using..........a screwdriver. Know how he was stopped? One night, when he pulled his utensil, the cashier laughed...and slapped him. The robber ran out of the store and was never heard from again.


This has been a public service announcement by http://www.rantingsfromutah.blogspot.com/ , the Coalition for Stopping Wheelchair Criminals, and John Newberry.