Fighting Something

I have almost decided that "Life" is not something we go through. Rather, it is a Something which fights against us.
Now, it is easier on people and harder on others. Then, there are chaps like me...who help this Something beat the hell out themselves. But not matter what, It always wins.
Always.

With this thought in mind, I came across across an ancient Jewish Proverb. It wasn't one written by Solomon, in fact, I am not sure if anyone knows the origins of where it came from. I suspect it is from the time of when the Jewish people were in Egypt because that would make sense...but I could be very wrong.

Like all good proverbs, it is short.

"I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders."

What I love about this, is how it can be seen in two different ways.

On face value, it is a non-complaint. It is acceptance. Life, and all the trouble which come with it, is out my control. I just want to manage it better. "Yes, I know it sucks. Help me out."
Can we make a bargain? Is there some middle ground where it won't be so bad on me?


The second way to look at is the way I prefer...it is a view of defiance.
It is like a muskox turning his face into the bitter polar wind for the protection of the herd.
It is a challenge to the Something...an insult. And it may be the only insult a human can ever give It, which has true sting or bite.
"Yes, I know you are going to win...but I am not going to make this easy on you."



In a way it's similar to when I was around 19 or 20. I got into a fight with this guy. He was huge (no, I mean it...he was really big). Looking back, I suppose, it was quite stupid...but I refused to back down, I would not cower to someone...no matter how big they were.
He won the brawl, of course, but you know what? I damn near took his eye out. So every day for the rest of his life, when he looks in the mirror and sees that scar, he will remember me.

That's how I want to be with Life.
I won't quit. I won't back down.
Pile it on.

If my shoulders were bigger...
...well, my challenge was issued long ago...and still stands.

Cops Beat Up People Because They Know They Can Get Away With It!

I Believe - Cowboy Mouth

Fox News Smears Mom @ Occupy Wall Street

Sissel - Bridge Over Troubled Water

Levi Kreis I should go with lyrics (Vampire Diaries 2 X 22)

Creed-One Last Breath

October 21st is supposed to be the end of the world.

Well, I guess, it is possible God will slap the planet silly that day. It's not like you can prove He won't do it.
So, we will have to bite our nails and pace floors until October 22nd, hoping to wake up...seeing that He didn't do it.

I will make this wild prediction...(wait for it)...The world will keep on spinning.

Either way, here is an utterly beautiful song for those of us who survive that day, but still feel like...

Well...

It's a song for those of us who realize how badly we messed up our lives or worry we sold our souls along the line somewhere:

"Please come now I think I'm falling
I'm holding on to all I think is safe
It seems I found the road to nowhere
And I'm trying to escape
I yelled back when I heard thunder
But I'm down to one last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say

Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking
That maybe six feet
Ain't so far down

I'm looking down now that it's over
Reflecting on all of my mistakes
I thought I found the road to somewhere
Somewhere in His grace
I cried out heaven save me
But I'm down to one last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/c/creed/one_last_breath.html ]
Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking
That maybe six feet
Ain't so far down

Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking
That maybe six feet
Ain't so far down

I'm so far down

Sad eyes follow me
But I still believe there's something left for me..."

Hinder - Lips Of An Angel (Acoustic)

Creed My sacrifice + lyrics

Amistad

When I was young and, I guess, what you'd call a kid. I had this friend.

No, friend, isn't quite right...best friend? Yes, but even that seems to understate it. Compatriot.

On it's face, that may not seem too special. So what? Everyone has those.
Well, this friend was a girl. She was as pretty as you can image any young woman can be and just a tiny little thing. She lived on the other of side town...some would say, the wrong side of town. She went to a rough a school and lived in an ugly neighborhood. Me? I wore braces and felt insecure. My father was a doctor. We lived in a rather nice house and lived a comfortable life. I went to a private Christian school.

There was very little similar about us...or so it seemed.

I, honestly, don't remember how I gained the courage to talk her. Once I did, she changed my life forever.

We bonded. Fast. People talk often about how they "click" with someone or how they "hit it off." She and I were like two trains speeding along and pulling up next to each other. Every car was in the same place, every window matched, even the engines thrummed at the same rate...that's how we were.
We would sit on the phone for hours, literally hours, talking about what...I can't even imagine now. I remember hiding in the darkness and whispering so my parents would not hear me talking to her. We could not talk to each other enough. Our fears, our hopes...our nightmares....were things we shared.

Anything. Everything.
Then one day...the tracks we rode split, veering in sharply different directions. It was a hard and blunt turn without warning signs. 

She was moved away.

Other things happened too (private hurts...things I will not share. Those are for me and her only to know).

We went our different ways and it was the single hardest pain I have ever endured...to this day. Over the years, I carried a little spot in my heart reserved for this friend. (Okay, it's more than a little spot.)

But the thing is...you cannot replace a friendship like that. I have worried and ached for this friend. My concern for her was like a ghost standing outside my door. I have wondered what her life was like. I have hoped for the best and feared the worst.

Some, my age, would laugh and say such an idea is strange, harmful. I should have let it go long ago or sought therapy.

Maybe.

But then...twenty-something years later...

I got a message...

...from her.

She had been carrying the same thoughts, the same worries, the same loving-concern for me. It broke my heart. Truly and honestly it broke my heart. But if it makes sense, I think it may have unbroken it too.

Those two trains from twenty years ago are still running. Now, things like time, distance, and (oddly enough) Internet have made it so those two trains aren't perfectly in sync like they were long ago. (Not to mention the fact, that while it's sturdy, I have beaten the hell out of my train. )

But they have their moments...and this is still new to both of us.

The most important thing of all, she knows where this train is...and it will always be here for her.

Friendship doesn't seem enough to call what we had. I am going to my roots and use the Spanish word for it.

It is Amistad.

When said right, it is beautiful. It sounds and looks permanent.

(I normally post these on Facebook. This is one is just for me.)