The Sweetest Christmas Cookie...I Have Ever Had

Last night, for whatever reason, I made the choice of going to my Aunt and Uncle's Christmas Eve party. I am so glad I attended, because I will remember this event the rest of my life.


It was a wonderfully warm and casual gathering of maybe twenty people. Folks were lounging around or taking turns visiting with whoever they chose. My cousin Jaime and I were playing some strange card game by the fireplace. As we were doing so, I was snacking on some very tasty cookies my Aunt Kris had given me for Christmas. They had come sealed in a container not at all unlike a to-go box for Chinese food, sporting a few ribbons and streamers. Quite clever.

I glanced from over my cards and saw this tiny thing tumbling towards me. It was Gi-Gi. She is very young and Brooke's (Jaime's older sister) absolutely beautiful daughter.
Earlier in the night, the two of us had already shared many cups of invisible tea from her pink princess set (which I... think....was far far too hot for me to drink at first. But guessing whether I was supposed to be enjoying my drink or be scalded by it, is much tougher than it would seem if you only go by the expressions of a little girl), she was also so kind to as to refill my mug over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over...(sigh)..and over and over and over. She even let me hold her dolls for a few minutes as she readied them for bed.
So, seeing her head my way...I figured, odds were, I must be thirsty again.
Nope.
I found out I wasn't hungry.
I watched as two-inch long fingers reached into the box of cookies I had before me. They pulled out one, then two, then three... Soon, all the cookies (all my cookies at that!) were pinned to the chest of this little (yet, respectfully brazen)thief, who then went around the room and passed them out to other people. Out fairness to Gi-Gi, she did leave me with the corner of a sugar star.
I survived the heist and went back to the card game. Fine. I didn't want cookies, anyway,

How much time passed? A year? A month? Twenty minutes? I couldn't tell you. But when I looked up, there she was...again.
The girl was stalking me.
Her impossibly small hand was outstretched. She was holding something...just for me...only, this time it wasn't imaginary. ...and, there was no need to search her expressions. I knew what it was. It was a cookie. Well...at some seemingly very distant point in history, it was a cookie. More specifically, it had belonged to a cookie.  You see, what she held couldn't have been an actual cookie. The thing between her fingers was globular. It edged and drooped over her miniature digits. Cookies don't do that. Generally, they hold form...or at least, my cookies did.

As yummy as this multicolored mass of goo was to her, I didn't want any. There really was no need to share this me. She could keep my cookie, if that's indeed what this sad and soggy thing in her hand had once had been. It wasn't that big of a deal. At this point, it was hers. I was okay with that. I really really really was.
Nonetheless, my pleas of "No Thanks" and "That's Okay"  and "Oh, you have it" did nothing to dissuade, this now generous vandal. I had to give in. I had to. She's a Jedi. At two feet tall, she towered over me...I was powerless. There was no use in fighting any longer, so I extended my hand.
Gi-Gi gave me, what could only be described as, the "paste of a cookie" and it didn't plop into my hand as much as it smeared.
My response, as Gi-Gi gleefully trotted away?
"Brooke, your child is so disgusting." But even as I said it, I couldn't help but laugh. I have never had such an experience. Ever. Even after it was gone, I felt that cookie, or cookie-corpse, in my hand for twenty minutes.
 

Before Brooke and her husband (Mike) left, Gi-Gi came to see me one last time. I wasn't sure what else this little thing could possibly do to me. Unexpectedly, she gave me a kiss on the cheek to say goodbye. It was like a little dew drop.

And then she was gone...with my heart in tow.

Today, as I write this, and I think of the innocence of that child, of her handing me the last bites of something she thought was so wonderful, I can't help but think...it may be the sweetest Christmas Cookie I have ever had.

Merry Christmas.

Faith in God's Justice...

Faith...what is it?





Faith: complete trust or confidence in someone or something



Typically, people think of faith as accepting. In a religious context, it is saying, "Okay, God, I believe you." It is a willingness to move past whatever is standing in front of you, or take the step in the dark not knowing what is out there. However, like anything, faith can be more...much more.
While I do not understand the ability to accept something blindly...I find it admirable in a way.
But there is another kind of faith too, a faith for others,  who are like me. They want or need a little more information. And doesn't God, our God, realize this? Of course He does. Because if He if doesn't, He shouldn't be called "God."

So, here is where my act of faith is different. It is not so much like stepping into the dark. It is like stepping into the dark on a tight rope. My act of faith is not in accepting the answer...but...in asking the question.
Why?
You see, I don't pretend for one second that I can stump God with my tiny questions. (Even I am not that bold). But when I ask the question...I am laying it all out there. I am putting my total faith in God. I am saying I know He has the answers.
And for me, it is an incredible act of faith...because so much can be riding on I what I don't find.

I love to think out-loud and share it with people...so...




If you dare, take a step of faith me while I ask another question...let's see what we find...



Alright, I have another one. Let's start with a definition.

Justice: the quality of being fair and reasonable

God is just...right?
The Bible says He is.



I heard this question (or one form of it) offered to a preacher, and I found it so very interesting.

Here is the question:
Should a finite being (a human) get sentenced to an infinite punishment (Hell)?
Put another way...if a man only lives 50 years on Earth, does 600 billion+ years (and on and on...) in Hell seem fair?

So, let us go back to our definition of justice. Is our definition wrong?  No, I think it's pretty solid.  Then, is the description of God wrong? I don't think so, either. In Exodus, God makes it clear how important Justice is. As an example, the famous/infamous "eye for an eye" code is found there. That is His idea of what Justice is.



If you were to look at the "eternal sentence" of the damned (really of absolutely anyone) and make an analogy of it, what could you come up with that would look reasonable or fair? I see nothing.
On your balance (your imaginary scale not too different from the one Blind Lady Justice holds) which measures out what is "fair and reasonable"...on one side I picture a raindrop. That is the sin of a man's life. On the other, as punishment for this sin, there is a raging waterfall...because the water will never stop coming. How do those two measure up? How do they balance?
I see a speck or mote of dust and on the other side of the balance an entire mountain range...yet the mountain range continues to grow...for all of time.
Where is the Justice in this? How does that scale sit level?

Even the worst things a person can do turn small, insignificant, when looked at on the scale of infinity. Humans cannot even comprehend the idea of infinity, yet we can be sentenced to it. Isn't that a bit odd?

If you were standing in plains of Kansans, in some wheat field with nothing else around, and Mount Everest was placed in front of you...it would be enormous. It would tower over you. But if you turned and walked away, and did so long enough, it would become smaller and smaller. At some point, you wouldn't even be able to see it. You would never know it was ever there.
That is the idea of infinity and Man's sin...including the very very worst of sins. Yes, the VERY worst. Over they span of time and distance they become meaningless. They are a raindrop against a waterfall.

Does God not see this?
Surely He must.
If He is the just God we believe Him to be, how is this reconciled?

If I am struck down by lightning...now you know why.

It is either very early or very late when I am starting to write this, I guess it depends on how you look at things.
Christopher Hitchens' death has made me do a lot of thinking...A LOT.
I fully expect to lose a couple (if not more) Facebook friends who read this, or maybe because of the debate it will cause after. I am okay with that.

I will get to the point.

Growing up, I was taught that God was, among many things, omnipotent and perfect. I have come to the conclusion that both those attributes we often lay on God...are simply wrong.

Why?

It is impossible.
I asked someone "Where did Evil come from? Did God create it too?" The answer I was given was, roughly, "Evil wasn't created by God, but rather it is a byproduct (or maybe the only product) of what happens when God isn't around." And I think that is a pretty a standard answer. If you turn from God, the only choice is Evil.
Hmmm...
But think about that.
What it says, is God cannot...CANNOT...destroy Evil. It happens every time He is not there. It follows him like a shadow. And if God is eternal, then so is Evil. If God cannot destroy Evil, He is not omnipotent.


My second point...God is not perfect, maybe even not omniscient.

A perfect being (who can see all past, all present, and all future events) does not change their mind.
When is indecision a model of perfection? Would not an eternal and perfect being see all the future choices which had to be made? Why would there ever be a change of heart on any subject?
Look at Abraham. He was told to sacrifice his son. He was ordered to murder and burn his child.
(Yes, I know, it was a test of the man's faith.)
As you know, I am not a parent and more than likely never will be. However, I could not fathom such an action...ever. Could you? Should you?
Tell me this, which is better? To think that God wanted Abraham to kill Issac and burn his carved up body, only to change His mind at last moment...or...God knew all along it was never going to happen?
Because I say the last, is the act of a sadist.
Hitchens often compared monotheism to North Korea. His point is well-made. How does the whole Abraham and Issac story not sound like something the "Dear Leader" would require of a subjugated people? In an effort to prove their loyalty to the Party, people would be required to show a willingness to offer up their own child.
Would we say it was a only a test today?
No...it would be looked upon as a crime against humanity.


If you know every thought a person a has, if you can read them like you can program on a computer, and allow them to be tortured with the idea of killing their own child out of loyalty towards you...but you know you will never allow them to do it...how are you NOT a sadist?

Or would it be better to think God changed His mind?
(In both instance, though...the simple demand on Abraham should be utterly disturbing and just horrifying.)


Is saying this blasphemy? Probably.
I guess I will see what happens to me next.

Fighting Something

I have almost decided that "Life" is not something we go through. Rather, it is a Something which fights against us.
Now, it is easier on people and harder on others. Then, there are chaps like me...who help this Something beat the hell out themselves. But not matter what, It always wins.
Always.

With this thought in mind, I came across across an ancient Jewish Proverb. It wasn't one written by Solomon, in fact, I am not sure if anyone knows the origins of where it came from. I suspect it is from the time of when the Jewish people were in Egypt because that would make sense...but I could be very wrong.

Like all good proverbs, it is short.

"I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders."

What I love about this, is how it can be seen in two different ways.

On face value, it is a non-complaint. It is acceptance. Life, and all the trouble which come with it, is out my control. I just want to manage it better. "Yes, I know it sucks. Help me out."
Can we make a bargain? Is there some middle ground where it won't be so bad on me?


The second way to look at is the way I prefer...it is a view of defiance.
It is like a muskox turning his face into the bitter polar wind for the protection of the herd.
It is a challenge to the Something...an insult. And it may be the only insult a human can ever give It, which has true sting or bite.
"Yes, I know you are going to win...but I am not going to make this easy on you."



In a way it's similar to when I was around 19 or 20. I got into a fight with this guy. He was huge (no, I mean it...he was really big). Looking back, I suppose, it was quite stupid...but I refused to back down, I would not cower to someone...no matter how big they were.
He won the brawl, of course, but you know what? I damn near took his eye out. So every day for the rest of his life, when he looks in the mirror and sees that scar, he will remember me.

That's how I want to be with Life.
I won't quit. I won't back down.
Pile it on.

If my shoulders were bigger...
...well, my challenge was issued long ago...and still stands.

Cops Beat Up People Because They Know They Can Get Away With It!

I Believe - Cowboy Mouth

Fox News Smears Mom @ Occupy Wall Street

Sissel - Bridge Over Troubled Water

Levi Kreis I should go with lyrics (Vampire Diaries 2 X 22)

Creed-One Last Breath

October 21st is supposed to be the end of the world.

Well, I guess, it is possible God will slap the planet silly that day. It's not like you can prove He won't do it.
So, we will have to bite our nails and pace floors until October 22nd, hoping to wake up...seeing that He didn't do it.

I will make this wild prediction...(wait for it)...The world will keep on spinning.

Either way, here is an utterly beautiful song for those of us who survive that day, but still feel like...

Well...

It's a song for those of us who realize how badly we messed up our lives or worry we sold our souls along the line somewhere:

"Please come now I think I'm falling
I'm holding on to all I think is safe
It seems I found the road to nowhere
And I'm trying to escape
I yelled back when I heard thunder
But I'm down to one last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say

Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking
That maybe six feet
Ain't so far down

I'm looking down now that it's over
Reflecting on all of my mistakes
I thought I found the road to somewhere
Somewhere in His grace
I cried out heaven save me
But I'm down to one last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/c/creed/one_last_breath.html ]
Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking
That maybe six feet
Ain't so far down

Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking
That maybe six feet
Ain't so far down

I'm so far down

Sad eyes follow me
But I still believe there's something left for me..."

Hinder - Lips Of An Angel (Acoustic)

Creed My sacrifice + lyrics

Amistad

When I was young and, I guess, what you'd call a kid. I had this friend.

No, friend, isn't quite right...best friend? Yes, but even that seems to understate it. Compatriot.

On it's face, that may not seem too special. So what? Everyone has those.
Well, this friend was a girl. She was as pretty as you can image any young woman can be and just a tiny little thing. She lived on the other of side town...some would say, the wrong side of town. She went to a rough a school and lived in an ugly neighborhood. Me? I wore braces and felt insecure. My father was a doctor. We lived in a rather nice house and lived a comfortable life. I went to a private Christian school.

There was very little similar about us...or so it seemed.

I, honestly, don't remember how I gained the courage to talk her. Once I did, she changed my life forever.

We bonded. Fast. People talk often about how they "click" with someone or how they "hit it off." She and I were like two trains speeding along and pulling up next to each other. Every car was in the same place, every window matched, even the engines thrummed at the same rate...that's how we were.
We would sit on the phone for hours, literally hours, talking about what...I can't even imagine now. I remember hiding in the darkness and whispering so my parents would not hear me talking to her. We could not talk to each other enough. Our fears, our hopes...our nightmares....were things we shared.

Anything. Everything.
Then one day...the tracks we rode split, veering in sharply different directions. It was a hard and blunt turn without warning signs. 

She was moved away.

Other things happened too (private hurts...things I will not share. Those are for me and her only to know).

We went our different ways and it was the single hardest pain I have ever endured...to this day. Over the years, I carried a little spot in my heart reserved for this friend. (Okay, it's more than a little spot.)

But the thing is...you cannot replace a friendship like that. I have worried and ached for this friend. My concern for her was like a ghost standing outside my door. I have wondered what her life was like. I have hoped for the best and feared the worst.

Some, my age, would laugh and say such an idea is strange, harmful. I should have let it go long ago or sought therapy.

Maybe.

But then...twenty-something years later...

I got a message...

...from her.

She had been carrying the same thoughts, the same worries, the same loving-concern for me. It broke my heart. Truly and honestly it broke my heart. But if it makes sense, I think it may have unbroken it too.

Those two trains from twenty years ago are still running. Now, things like time, distance, and (oddly enough) Internet have made it so those two trains aren't perfectly in sync like they were long ago. (Not to mention the fact, that while it's sturdy, I have beaten the hell out of my train. )

But they have their moments...and this is still new to both of us.

The most important thing of all, she knows where this train is...and it will always be here for her.

Friendship doesn't seem enough to call what we had. I am going to my roots and use the Spanish word for it.

It is Amistad.

When said right, it is beautiful. It sounds and looks permanent.

(I normally post these on Facebook. This is one is just for me.)

What We Forgot When We "Never Forget"

Bells will be tolled and the names will be read. Documentaries will replay what happened and newscasters will explain in detail the events of that hideous day...each trying to show a bit more insight than the last.
But the next thing to follow, in the hours or days to come, will be a common chord. We will hear people talking about how they long for the unity this country felt on September 12th, 2001...how moving it was to see Americans, outside party lines, rally around one another. That day will be longed for.
Me?
I have no such desire.
I wish for an America two days before that.

Overall and as a human experience, 9-11 was not unique. Our country, for a few short days, banded together like countless villages and towns over time. It is what others have done before, after, and during great fires. It was similar to the way the Collective formed bailing lines to quench the flames. It is how ancient shipping and island communities would cling together to escape typhoons and tsunamis.

After these, there was always a great sense of camaraderie.

Because, honestly, that is what people are truly talking about, isn't it?

On a smaller scale, it is also similar to how small family reunions form at funerals. The death brings people together who have not seen each other in years. It forges bonds.

Is the loss, whether one person's life or half a town, worth a short-lived fellowship? You cannot have one without the other, for in scenarios like this, the two are bound.
By seeking the unity of September 12th...you are, if unconsciously, seeking the horror of the day before. The two are conjoined twins.

I long for the America before we simply chose to torture people. I want back the place where true "common sense" ruled and not some sort of negotiated idea of Justice or a Machiavellian land where anything can be justified in name of "national security."

I want the time when torture was torture and not something else because White House lawyers were able to contort phrases into giving the Administration cover to do just about anything they chose...even doing it sometimes to Americans.

Or when the People understood the Government cannot simply hold an individual forever. We knew, every person, deserved a FAIR trial, American or not.
Or the Government could not snatch up HUNDREDS of people from across the world and zip them off to secret prisons, torture them, hold them for many years, then...release them...as if nothing happened...and at the same time hold itself immune from prosecution.

We knew that our laws were based on a moral foundation and applied equally to all, not skewed by citizenship, nationality, even religious views (no matter how extreme).
I want a place where Homeland Security, the single most intrusive government agency ever created, does not exist.

I want a place where Muslims are not looked at with suspicion and have their holy books burned by Men of God, for no other reason than spite.
I want a time when there hasn't been a decade of war and countless (literally countless) lives have been lost.

Wishing for September 12th is like longing for the bruise and medical care sought after a broken limb. I want to be healed.

I want September 10th.

BLOG

Yes, indeed, I WILL celebrate.

What happened to all the people who had so many creative and torturous ways to kill Bin Laden after 9-11?

Where are all hyper-patriots who cheered (for whatever strange reason) the execution of Saddam?

Why is that, now, we should take pause and not be happy that one of the most vile creatures to ever live has been removed from the planet? Why should I not smile at the death of this "human" who was killed in a time of war?

If he were any other Joe, then there might be some validity to that, but he was not just another man. He was a breathing obscenity, a taunting idea, a temporary champion, a repugnant mascot....you name it.

For ten years he was "wanted dead or alive."
Now...I am told, by many people, I shouldn't celebrate death and enjoy the fact he was shot in the eye.

I don't think people understand. Had he been a world leader, he would have been on the order of Hitler, or Mao, or Stalin...would we not cheer their deaths? In actuality, Bin Laden would have been far worse than any of those men. Imagine a nuclear armed Bin Laden...he would have brought death to millions through medieval and primitive methods, with beheadings by swords and daggers, stoning, burnings, whippings, subjugation....see where I am going?

Will he live on in martyrdom? I guess, to some degree he will...but he was not an Arab Jesus, he was not Mohammad or some Muslim Yoda...he was a madman. One thing all martyrs have in common is......they are dead. Let his cave-dwelling bands of followers seek guidance from his ghost. Let them fight on in his name and squeeze funding from the sea. I am willing to bet anything that his death frightens (ha! terrifies) them more than it galvanizes...

...because they now know, there is nowhere you can hide. He was the most hunted man on Earth, but he was also the most hidden. He was tucked away like gold stashed by a troll...and America found him.

It may take time, however the United States will get you. It may be through bombs dropped by drones you cannot hear and see...or...it may be in the middle of the night in your bedroom.

So, I will rejoice today. And next time I go to the Ocean and take a swim, I will take special pleasure knowing I am dancing on Osama's grave...and...AND... if I have to go to the bathroom while I am swimming....

Yes, I will celebrate.

The New Odyssey

If nothing else, Operation Odyssey Dawn is indeed odd.

The United States has contorted and twisted itself into two meaningless wars (in Afghanistan and Iraq) which will go on for, at least, several more years if not another decade. It is clear that thousands more people will die at best, for revenge, but what is smelling and looking more and more like a blood lust...now this?

Does anyone really believe ground troops will not be involved in Libya at some point? Does anybody know who the people fighting against Gaddafi are? The Right broke out into fits because of the possible dangers surrounding overwhelmingly peaceful protests in Egypt. They should throwing all out tantrums, even shoes, at this. They should be having all night sit-in's at the Capitol.

Dictators believe they will be dictating laws for eternity. So, they are not known for fostering a good environment in which the public is very learned on how lead themselves...on democracy. Imagine the power vacuum which will be left once Gaddafi is outed. How many mini-dictators will try to take his place?

When American troops were ALREADY in Iraq, "liberating" the people, a multi-headed civil war broke out. It was nearly a disaster.

So, what does the United States do now? We jump into the middle of a civil war with a rather well-armed and obviously insane tyrant, who probably believes he can win.

How can such a combination work out better?

This humanitarian action has expanded like a war-soaking sponge. It went from a "no-fly zone," grew to a "no-drive zone," and...because Admiral Mullen said we will be targeting tanks and artillery cannons...it seems to be bloating into a "no-parking zone" as well.

...but it's not a war.

Gaddafi is surrounding himself with human shields (who all "volunteered"). He is parking his tanks inside cities and setting up anti-aircraft batteries on top of businesses and schools. He will probably even start killing random people, blaming their deaths on the US, so he can parade their dead bodies on TV.

This humanitarian action will end up costing more lives than it saves and isn't going to end well...for anyone...but especially for the people of Libya, who we are "protecting."

The Day The Music Died...

I have had several people tell me, with this wreck, I was very lucky...

Oh, yes, my stars lined up just right Thursday morning...I am sure any psychic (those lecherous insects I hold in such high regard) would have told me what to expect for the day, my luck was that obvious.

I was headed to Park City, Utah by way of the interstate which was, luckily, not quite as plowed as the morning newscast said. As I crested a hill in the right hand lane, I hit a snow pack/ice sheet. Before I had the chance to redirect myself and stop my car from skating around like Johnny Weir, a semi whipped past. A disgusting gruel of ice, snow, and mud coated my windshield. Wipers would have just smeared it like a wet turd, so I was hoping it would slough off quickly. Hope...oh, me and my hoping.

To add to the drama( excuse me, good luck), at the bottom of the hill was a white box van...stopped. Yes, he was stopped on the interstate. At this point, I had a few choices. I could change lanes anyway and be crushed by a closing dump truck or cause him to flip. Or, I could have moved in to the hazard lane, which most certainly would have vaulted me down a ravine. Or, I could have pumped the brakes and hoped (there's that word again) the guy down the hill would get out of the way.

I chose that latter.

I slid 200' feet or so...then, just as the goo began to fall from my windshield...bang!!

My car rocked forward, lifting the rear end into the air, then spun off into the ditch which was only (hahaha...."only") 15' deep at this point.

After I gathered myself, I climbed out of the ditch. I got there in time to see the vehicle I hit, DRIVING OFF!!! Wow! Talk about luck!

The aura of fortune glowed so brightly around me (I guess), no one saw the need to stop and check if I was alright. Who would? A guy staggering on the side of the road with his car in a ditch...this man is sooooo lucky.

A few minutes later, a cop pulled up.

He wouldn't pay much attention to the details of my story until I had given him my DL, Registration, and Insurance information and before he confirmed I wasn't some mass murderer on the loose. Thank my lucky stars!

With his and the world's safety assured, he turned to me. He listened to what I had to say then asked...."Are you sure you didn't hit that pole over there?"

What?! I took in a breath and replied, "Yes, officer, I am rather certain I didn't hit a pole." Hmmm...did I mistake a van for a pole? They do look so similar...

Luckily for me, he agreed.

A little later, as I was sitting in the tow truck filling out paper work...Officer Compassion opened the door and handed me a ticket. Talk about luck!!

It was for following too closely (to a vehicle I still don't think he believes was there) and for not having enough tread on my tires. Ah, yes, the tread on my tires...that's the culprit. It's has nothing to do with the luge up the hill behind us, or truck that splashed me, or even..."the van."

It was clearly the tread on my tires.

I couldn't take it. I said, "Officer, if I had been carrying a two ton anchor in the back of my car and thrown it out at the top of this hill....I still would not have been able to stop in time."

"You have to be prepared for all road conditions." He said, in an oh-so-condescending tone.

Yes, of course...I should have hired a little leprechaun to sit on my hood with a squeegee, because you never know when a truck is going to coat you with mud.

My luck for the day got better, when I found out I hadn't gotten collision on my insurance. And...when my dick boss pulled up. He gave me all of 45 seconds to gather some tools(from the car which I will never see again) and told me he would drop me off at the office, but no further. I was so lucky, he was sure I could find a way home.

Yep, I am pretty lucky.

"Hey, at least you didn't get killed or seriously injured."

Right, right...because this way, when I lose my job I won't be a homeless cripple. And, at least it isn't summer. Who wants to be homeless in summer? It is so hot.

I was sooooo fortunate I wasn't hurt, because the only person who asked the primary car-wreck etiquette question, of whether I was alright before asking what happened, was of all people....the insurance agent. Even if she didn't care, she did a decent job of feigning concern.

If there is an "anti-lottery" and someone wants the winning numbers, I'm sure I can come up with them...because I am such a lucky bastard.

Who needs church or school when you have Glenn Beck?

It sure is a good thing I've been watching his show again...brothers and sisters, I have seen the light!!! Hallelujah! Glory Be!!!

If it wasn't for Brother Beck, I would never have realized that freedom is not meant for all. I would have gone on thinking Democracy was a right of all people, failing to learn it's more of a consolation prize only to be awarded after years of bombings.

I can, almost, honestly say I understand that the potential risks (as minor as they are) of people (especially Arabs) having a say in their lives...is an unspeakable evil. I would never have believed that a peaceful protest is a glaring and ominous indication of future dangers. Christians, Muslims, Jews, and Atheists standing together...it's a textbook deception and tell-tail sign of intolerance and jihadist goals.

Why can't people understand? A Middle East full of free and voting Arabs is the precursor to Armageddon!! The end is nigh!!

( I think that is found in the 69th chapter of Book of Jezebel, but I'm not positive...I am not real familiar with the Book of Mormon.)

I am sure, because I have such strong faith now, that Pastor Beck will adorn himself in his black suit and white tennis shoes. He will launch a tour of the Middle East (I think he should call it "My Crusade"), starting in Egypt, and tell the people in Tahrir Square how mislead they are. I know he, being a man of such conviction and righteous faith, will bring a platoon of chalkboards and TV monitors with him. And...he will show the Egyptian people why they are wrong...why their celebration is out of line.

Preach it, Brother Beck!

The message is undeniable.

After their conversion to Beck's (mine too, now) obscure beliefs, they will fall to the ground and gnash their teeth. They will plead to the god, only Pastor Beck can truly talk with, and beg for President Mubarak to return. They will ask for forgiveness and request he come to the new palace wearing no pants (so each protester can, in turn, give a loving and apologetic smooch to one of his pink royal ass cheeks).

Without question, the people who were "detained" by the Egyptian secret police and escaped will gladly surrender themselves. They will masochistically beg to be "questioned" indefinitely.

"I've been such a bad boy...question me again, officer."

Some people (of no faith) would suggest Bro. Beck uses a lot of false dichotomies and slippery slopes (more like Chutes and Ladders) to draw his conclusions. Not me, though...no way, Hosni. If I have seen the proof, then you can too. All you have to do is look at his chalkboard! Follow all his zigging and zagging lines, take notes, record his show so you can watch it again, take more notes, only go to conspiracy websites and watch only FOXNEWS, and after a little more note taking...the connections are SO clear! It's like a "Where's Waldo?" picture...sure, it may be hard to understand at first, but...Oh, there's Waldo!!

Peaceful protest = caliphate...it is sooooooooo obvious.

Some say Pastor Beck is in need of hospitalization and serious, long-term, therapy. Others believe his divinings on chalkboards are similar to lunacy. Those blasphemers! Glenn Beck is clearly a man of god...as a reward, I think President Obama should make him the "Omni-Czar," our ultimate authority on ALL issues.

Calling Glenn Beck crazy, is like saying FOX has an agenda. Ha! Oh, ye of little faith...

How many times have you heard this?

There are lines in movies and songs, which people can't find an original way to say or just think it is cool to put some sort of twist on. Either way, they are used far too often and need to be disposed of.

Example #1

"Are you threatening me?" or "Is that a threat?"

There are really only two ways a person can respond to that..."Yes, indeed I am," or "Oops, I think you misunderstood me."

But still, the writers of so many movies and TV shows try to work out some bizarre contorted phrase in an effort to create a new response.

Example #2

"You are asking questions way above your pay grade."

Generally, this is used in action flicks where an altruistic investigator begins to uncover a multi-leveled government conspiracy. It is my guess, that the authors of such movies (at some point) realize how flawed and implausible their storyline is. So, slap this puppy in there and it's as though you have held up a sign saying "Nasty People Are Plotting, Just Trust Us."

Then, high-fives are tossed between writers, "Oh, that's good" is said several times, and now they can move on to the next scene.

Example #3

"If I knew then what I know now..."

Even in the most absurdly constructed mind, how does that make any sense at all? ...If only I was omniscient, I would have...

By and large, this line is used in music and the singer is whining about a past mistake. It's a grown-up's version of Bugs Bunny saying "If only I took that left turn at Albuquerque!"

Hell, you're writing a song (making loads of money) about the whole damned experience, so I don't think things worked out too badly...your ignorance included.

Example #4

"But we need you. You're the best in the field and know more about this than anyone."

For the most part, this is used in Sci-Fi films, especially where the world is coming to an end. There is always some disenfranchised researcher who had his work shunned by the scientific community, or he was mainstream and fell out of favor any variety of reasons.

This idea is so overly played and used up, it is about as good as ketchup-soiled napkin from a child's Happy Meal. Hearing this line, is a warning of things to come...a sub-plot involving stolen or scoffed at ideas, but in the end vindication...oh, and the world is saved...at the last possible second.

Wouldn't it be nice to once have the person come in and not succeed? Maybe, "Why the hell did we bring you here? The Earth is now doomed because we wasted time on you. Somebody kick this guy's ass before we die!"

Those are a few...feel free to add more.