Let's have a smoke...

My friend Adam and I were going back and forth a little about the 8th Deadly Sin...Smoking.


It got me thinking about an encounter I had with a woman when Casey and I lived in Ogden. At the time, I didn't own a car. I was relegated to riding the bus to get from place to place...which is always fun. Nothing like those yummy Bus People* to brighten your day.
So, here I was, just standing at the bus stop and minding my own business...like the good boy I am. I was having a peaceful smoke and planning out my day.
Out of nowhere I heard dragging footsteps. I spied the source and recognized it was a bitter and mean hag of a woman I'd seen before. She was a bus regular...a.k.a. a bus person...and a quite rude one at that. After a few seconds she started fake coughing. You know the kind of sound I am talking about...that sooooooo annoying guff people make when they "quietly" try to say your smoke is bothering them...
When I turned to her, I saw she had pulled the top of her collar over her nose and mouth....I suppose I had forgotten I was smoking sticks of tear gas and not cigarettes.
I looked away, 20% aggravated by the "subtle" hints my smoke was bothering her, 80% gleeful it REALLY was. It took her a few minutes, but when I lit up another cigarette (I only did this for the extra "pissing off" value of it), she said, "Sir, you could not smoke that here?"
Her tone was not as nice as the question seems.
I ignored Cruella and took a huge drag. I let the exhale create a small layer of smog around me...she was not pleased.
"Sir!"
I faced her, with the cigarette hanging from my mouth.
"Can you move over there and smoke that?" Her gnarled hand was pointing to some obscure patch of grass.
I smiled and nodded my head. Indeed, that was possible.
I said, "Yes, I can," then took another drag as I looked at her. "I can, but I won't."
Hahaha...how ya like them apples? I topped it off with a quick little wink.
The expression on her face was priceless. If I had snapped her bra, I don't think she would have been more shocked.
I finished my cigarette just as bus arrived and, like the gentleman I am, let her board first.

I think more smokers need to stand up for themselves like this...be proud of our addiction. In Utah, and many other states, you can no longer smoke in restaurants, bars and smoke shops...what?! You can't smoke in a place dedicated to smokers?! Isn't that like saying it's illegal to eat your burger until you get outside of Burger King? What am I missing?
Everyone needs to relax a little. Calm down, it's not as though this is a new invention. Man has been smoking since the dawn of time.
I will pay my $3.00 in taxes, per pack, and smile as I do so...but can you cut us smokers some slack?
Why can't we all just get along?


*Bus People are the folks who pretty much live on the bus. They think that everyone on the bus is their nemesis or a buddy interested in how their day is going or where they are going. They also tend to smell VERY bad.

I tried as best I could...go ahead, Beth, say you told me so.

I have had an ugly day, and it is only noonish.
As some know, I have been going to help out at the Soup Kitchen in downtown SLC. It has been, in many ways, quite rewarding.
BUT TODAY...was different...oh, the rewards I was given!!!
First, there were rotating shifts of mini mormons running through the kitchen. That alone is enough to drive anyone mad or start banging their head with a pot, but each group had two or three cameras with them to snap shots or take videos...I'm guessing it's in case some Joseph Smith loyalty group comes along and doubts their mormanness. This way, they would have proof of their kindness and a sure ticket to one of their 300 heavens...even if they weren't wearing the holy mormon underwear ( they really have that, you know).
Okay, that was bad, but when they started singing Frosty the Snowman...(sigh)...shall we say I was, uh, bothered by that?
Next, while I was cooking, I had my sweatshirt stolen. If someone had said, "Hey, it sure is cold today. Can I have that?" I would have given it away in a second...no doubt about it. I have several others and wouldn't miss it.... But, noooooooo, they figured they would head on down to John's Thrift Store, use their Homeless Person Discount, and take what they wanted. It's not like it was 20 degrees outside or anything...as much as I enjoy being cold and shivering like a dying fish, I wasn't into it so much, today.
Before I knew my sweatshirt was gone, though, I stepped outside to have a smoke. While I was there, I looked up and saw a guy sitting on the hood of my car...scratching his crotch. He was just digging way down deep as if it was the most natural thing in the world...like I had parked it there for the sole purpose of letting his dirty ass rest on it.
I told him to get off it...and he did...giving me quite the look. Clearly, I was putting him out.
You know, if I wanted a homeless hood ornament, I would have plowed through the crowd of them on my way in...I would have shouted, "Hey, Itchy! You want a spot on here?"
Silly me for thinking the hood of my car was...a hood...and not Rip Van Winkle's ass cushion.!!!
Then, as I go to leave (by this time I knew my sweatshirt was gone) there is some other guy peeking in the windows of my car.
I started wondering if this happens all day long while I am cooking. Do they peer into the glass like a pervert at a boobie show? Was someone trapped inside and needed help? Did I kill a mormon and throw them in the back seat? What was he looking at?!
So, I asked the guy, "Is there something of yours in there, Buddy?"
Ummm...he pulled out a steak knife and said he was going to kill me...
You know how they say, one bad apple can spoil the whole bunch? Well, I came across nothing but spoiled, smelly, and itchy mormon apples, today.
Now I remember why I don't like people, in general, and want to become a hermit.

The GOP must LOVE Kanye West...

We all remember the emotional mugging of Taylor Swift.
The doll-girl, pure as driven snow and wholesome young princess, accosted by the vile R&B thug named Kanye...and the whole world just watched it happen...the poor, poor dear...would she live? It was pop music's version of a purse-snatching.
Okay, I went a little overboard, but the point of what he did stays the same...he wanted to strip Taylor of recognition, of award. Why do I bring this up?
The GOP is doing the same thing with President Obama.
Somehow, getting the Nobel Peace Prize is a horrible thing. It is a falsity to be gifted only in insult. Rush Limbaugh (the mouthpiece for the GOP), his mindless parrot (Sean Hannity), and Glenn Beck (the crying lunatic) are to the President, what Kanye was to Taylor.
They just want to be mean. They want to cheapen and lessen acknowledgement. Rush said on Friday, "Our President is a joke."
No, Rush, the GOP is the joke.
They are playing some political game of Jenga, removing (instead of wooden blocks) huge sections of decency and credibility. They are after the man and not the what the man stands for...EXACTLY what they decried about Bush's critics.
Like Kanye with President Bush, they say Obama is a racist.
They think, again like Kanye, that a woman (Rep. Pelosi) needs to be put in her place by a man (Gen. McChrystal).
In the eyes of Kanye, the horrors of 9-11 and of Katrina were plots and evil schemes known to President Bush...if not set into motion personally. The GOP sees non-existent layers of Fascist strata, set out with great plan...treachery.
Kanye took the spotlight away from Taylor because he was the one yelling the loudest...making the most noise. Is that not what the GOP is doing? Making noise? Is Michelle Bachmann not doing such when she reads fake letters? Isn't she, with the use of distorted absurdities about "sex clinics" and parental deception, shouting from the stage...or rather, floor of the Senate?
Come on now...at some point people have to understand what is happening.
Even in Jenga, the most novice of players begins to understand there is less and less holding their tower...that at some point it is going to fall.
So, GOP'ers, cheer that we didn't get the Olympics, rage over the fact OUR President was awarded the Peace Prize, and pat yourselves on the back for being so righteous...because...there is, without question, less and less holding up the GOP tower.

Maybe we should "Cut and Run."

I am at loss.
The war in Afghanistan is starting to seem pointless.
How does that song go? "One, two, three...what are we fighting for? Don't ask me, I don't give a damn. Next stop is Vietnam..."
Don't get me wrong at all here. September 11th required an answer. It demanded a response which would be felt around the world. The Earth needed to shake at our wrath...without a doubt. If ever there was a just reason for a military strike, it was then.

But...

Haven't we done that? Hasn't enough blood been shed...on both sides?
Are we fighting a war to kill one man...Bin Laden?
From all the reports we see, he isn't in Afghanistan...he's in Pakistan...if he is even alive still.


Here is my fear.

We are now creating generations of children who will have no other goal but to kill Americans. Young people are growing up to know nothing about the US other than we are a country killing their friends and family. Soon, no child will have known any other state of their world than war. Imagine that...your life is nothing but a continuous stream of death...from parents, to uncles, to brothers...They have no perspective of what happened in 2001. It's not as if the Taliban is going to make sure both sides of story are presented.



Think about this for a second...
What if America did some horrible thing...something awful...and we were invaded.
Would we stand back and say, "Yep, we deserve that. Kill whoever you think you need to. We will even hand them over to you."
No, of course not...every man, woman, and child would be doing everything they could to fight back. We would stand up to whatever force it was. We would forget any evil we did and unite to defend our homeland...our homes...our families.
Is that what is happening now in Afghanistan? Are there people who WERE friendly to us, but are now sick of all the fighting...so they join their countrymen? Could that be a reason why things don't seem to be going so swimmingly at the moment?
From before the Romans until now, man has had one thing in common...we are a social creature. We have evolved to be one because it is better for the survival of the species for us to group together...so when a social group/country is being torn apart...what is the natural and human reaction?
...to fight to the death to keep it.
This story will not end well.

Could PETA be what is standing in the way of "Peace in the Middle East?"

I have had a little unwanted, extra time on my hands this week. So, as a way to deal with it, I have been going to the Soup Kitchen a little more (no, I have not seen Rashawn since that one time).
I have, however, been able to speak with some other guys.
Yesterday, I had a little chat with a Vietnam Vet who works at the Kitchen.
Picture an old Tom Hanks in Castaway. See him with almost pure gray hair, grown to its maximum length. Add a beard which puffs out in a waterfall of white and drapes down to the middle of his chest. Make him have a gruff, Wolfman Jack, type voice...and you will have the guy I am talking about.
He told me he had an idea on how to end all conflicts with Muslims and not shed on drop of human blood.
Here is his plan...
Muslims believe pigs, in all the various stages from living, to butchered, to cooked...are things so unclean that a human should never touch, let alone consume. Why? I'm not sure, but I think it has something to do with it being an animal which feeds on human garbage...but, I could be wrong.
It is so horrible, this pork, that even sliding a grime-covered finger over it...can result in eternal damnation. ..some sects are more forgiving than others, though, I must add. However, the more forgiving of the branches are usually not the people we have issues with.

Take some crop dusting equipment or fill big AC-130's with tanks that can hold liquid...do you see where he's going with this?
Fly over one of the most fanatical of these nations and spray away...with pig's blood. Coat an entire city...paint the town red with the stuff.
Others will fall in line pretty quickly. The wackos would see this as a horrible outrage, but wouldn't want this done to them, because there is no coming back from it. There aren't enough infidels to kill to erase having your eyes and mouth filled with pigs' blood.
For what it's worth, I think it is interesting.
I say you could take it a step further...
You could drop pig bombs. Kick a few really fat suckers out the back door and watch 'em splat around some boys planting IED's....instead of that cool whistling noise from a dropping bomb, they'd hear some porker squealing as it fell...oh, yeah, that would make 'em think twice.
We could have our guys carry raw chicken and pork when they go into a town. Grab Abdul gently by the hand and take him to some "quiet place." Then, slap him with a chicken breast for a few minutes...just long enough so his face gets all sticky and smelly with that white chicken goo...then...pull out a pork chop. Wave it in front of him and tell him, "This one is going to be dropped down your pants unless you spill the beans, bub"...bye-bye to all those virgins...
We could go a step even further, and use cloned pigs. Most religions believe, for some odd reason, that cloning is evil. Tell Mr. Mohammad we cloned Sally to Sow and he is going to be doused with an even more "evil" cloned pigs' blood from her. Tell him we have 4,ooo Wilber's and we are going to cut their throats and drain them into the city's well, or puddle, or whatever water supply they have...he'd talk.
It's mean...maybe even cruel...but I don't think it is torture. We would be using a culture's superstitions to work against them. It would be no different than a country eating rabbit on Easter.
But...
This would never happen and the reason used for not doing it would indeed be cruelty...to pigs. PETA would bomb research centers and kill scores of scientists...to save some pigs.
Here is a quote from Penn Jillette, "You want passion and truth? Okay...Teller and I would personally kill every chimp in the world, with our bare hands...if it would save one street junkie with AIDS."
While understand the Vet's idea may be naive, it does prove a point and highlight where our values are...or are not.
Hey, PETA, Man comes first.

Van Jones was not Jim Jones...

I guess America is a little safer today. The sun will shine just right, so no one gets burned, and raindrops will ask permission before they fall on someone. Mice and rabbits can run and play in the open grass without fear hawks will devour them. Dogs will take the day off and not chase cats.
All because...Van Jones is no longer in office.
I feel so much more secure...
Or should I?
Maybe I should be worried.. Maybe I should dread the fact that a person was run out of office because he signed a petition...Maybe I should be afraid that if I think someone is a racist, I will lose my job...
Van Jones thought Glenn Beck went over the top when he said the President doesn't like white people...a fact numerous advertisers agreed with, since they pulled their adds from his show.(How many minorities does Mr. Beck have working for him? Maybe he is racist?)
Van Jones thought there should be further investigations into the 9-11 terror attacks and was then labeled a "9-11 truther." Never mind some polls suggest as many as 30% of the country thinks the same way.
Van Jones, to many, was clearly an extremist because he belonged to a group which supported black activism...how dare a black man do such a thing? The horror!!! It's almost as bad as an anti-abortion person belonging to Focus on the Family...
While I think the 9-11 conspiracy theories (plural--because there are quite a few) are groundless and have been debunked thoroughly, I don't believe the same way Congressman Mike Pence does...
He said, talking about Jones, "His extremist views and coarse rhetoric have no place in this administration or the public debate."
Really? No place in the public debate?
I dare say Mike Pence has no place in Congress.
How many people believe the Earth is only 6,000 yrs old, the Face on Mars is real, watched Oliver Stone's movie and think the Kennedy assassination was government plot, the Branch Davidians were burned alive by federal agents, FEMA camps are being set up, the media's details of the Columbine shootings, the Moon Landing Hoax, aliens crashed at Roswell and are being stored at Area 51...should I go on?
All of those are absurd and have been debunked...yet, people believe and speak about them on a daily basis. However, they are no more absurd than what Van Jones was said to believe....we shall pretend he never came out against the 9-11 truther movement when asked.
I don't know which is more crazy, thinking the government had something to do with 9-11 or waterboarding a single prisoner 183 times...they both seem out there, but only one of them really happened.
No matter what Glenn Beck's chalkboard shows, Van Jones is not evil. His ideas may be odd, but it doesn't mean he uses a Ouija board or consults the dead to make sure the country in more "green."
What did Voltaire say? "I disagree with every word you say, but I will fight to the death your right to say it."
I guess Rep. Pence found the rest of the quote...
"...unless you use coarse rhetoric and have extremist beliefs."
Mike Pence is a disgrace to the Congress, to his voters...and to America.

A cold day...

Walking out the door this morning, I was greeted by a chilly breeze and thin icy raindrops. I was on my way to do some early morning community service. I chose to go to St. Vincent's, a homeless shelter/soup kitchen, in downtown SLC.
Shutting the car door, I turned up the heater and lit a smoke. I couldn't believe how cool it was...
Little did I know, Reality was about to swiftly and smartly kick me between the legs.
I had been to this place before to help out and so it wasn't a shock to see the scores of people huddled in doorways or leaning against the building to keep dry.
It is what people do when they don't want to get rained on, right?
After I had been there a couple hours and breakfast was almost ready to be served, I went around back to grab a few quick puffs.
That is when I met Rashawn.
Rashawn came over to me and asked if he could buy 2 cigarettes (the bus stop and day labor going rate is 25 cents each). By the looks of him, I was quite sure he didn't have the half buck and if he did...he needed it worse than me.
I just gave him two.
He's a handsome guy and close to my height. He is white, but his face held a leathered and tanned quality. He looked like, at one time, he had been very fit, athletic. Maybe tennis had been his game...
But that was in the past...not now.
Even with the soaked sweatshirt he was wearing, I could tell he only weighed about 130lbs.
He wasn't much more than a frame of a man.
I asked him how he got this place...to this point in his life...

...it broke my heart...

Rashawn was an out-of-state college student living in Utah. He had a major in computer science and, as he said, a reasonably good GPA (by the way he spoke, I believe him). He was working at a fine dining restaurant and it paid just well enough for him to afford a place of his own.
Life was clicking along quite fine. He had his future set, he had plans, goals...
One day, the restaurant closed down and he was without work.
The little money he had quickly ran out and he couldn't pay his rent. Soon, he was evicted. He had nowhere to go and in the embarrassing rush to get out, he forgot to grab a folder which had his ID, Social Security Card, and Birth Certificate...by the time he remembered and came back to get them, they were in trash bag headed for the city dump.

That was two years ago.

Sitting there, listening to his story and fighting back tears, I felt ashamed of myself.
I was cold.
How dare I be cold? How can I even think such a thing? Rashawn's life is cold...and it isn't even winter yet. This guy has no family, no home...and I'm cold.
I felt like such an ass.
I needed to get back to help finish breakfast, but before I went in, I handed him two more smokes...I didn't know what else I could do...what do you offer a person with nothing?
Before I walked inside, he looked at me with huge forlorn tears in his eyes and said, "You know, I can work almost any job. I want to work. I just can't, because I don't have anything to prove who I am. No one will hire me."
I shut the door and walked inside, warming instantly...and hated myself for it.